Self-Compassion and the Emotional Roots of Procrastination

Self-Compassion and the Emotional Roots of Procrastination

It can be far too easy to lose ourselves in productivity.

“I need to do more!”

Or our body finally collapses to say,

“No more!”

Somewhere along the way, we might find ourselves with self-accusations of laziness. Maybe if we were harder on ourselves, we’d finally get moving?

Dr. Fuschia Sirois, a professor of social and health psychology at Durham University, suggests that self-compassion may be a better approach. In our recent Rhythms of Focus podcast discussion, Dr. Sirois and I explored the intricate relationship between emotion, self-compassion, and procrastination.

Procrastination is about avoiding an emotion. Something about the task, the intention, reeks. When we call ourselves “lazy”, we “get to” avoid that experience at the cost of self-esteem. While it is hardly a good purchase, the unconscious voices speaking through emotion can throw us off better judgement.

Dr. Sirois makes a strong case for our social normal and their relationship to our internalized expectations of what constitutes being a “good” or “productive” member of society as being a factor.

A Call for Self-Compassion

One of the highlights of Dr. Sirois’s research is her emphasis on self-compassion. Self-compassion isn’t merely about being kind to ourselves when things go wrong but involves truly accepting our humanity—understanding that mistakes and failures are a part of life. In the podcast, she discussed the concept of self-compassion being activated in moments of struggle, where facing our shortcomings allows this powerful sentiment to move us forward.

Cultural Influences on Self-Compassion

The conversation also touched upon how cultural backgrounds can influence our levels of self-compassion. Citing research comparing various countries, Dr. Sirois noted how cultural norms around productivity and self-worth can shape our internal dialogues and responses. In cultures with strong productivity norms, people are often less self-compassionate.

But what are we even discussing when it comes to “productivity,” a word that can rapidly become meaningless. Here, we consider it as the demand of the concrete – the thing that must be delivered, in this way, by this date, with these steps, or in this form. Contrast this with the creative – in which we do not know what we are making except for its discovery in the act of making it.

How do we create the conditions that nourish creativity in this way? Could we improve our ability to engage work, but do so with resiliency and even a better sense of individual and collective meaning in the meantime?

  • Kourosh

PS Check out the latest Rhythms of Focus episode here.

Join the Weekly Wind Down Newsletter

Get a weekly letter about getting to play and meaningful work. Start getting where you want to be with calm focus. You’ll receive free samples of:

  • Creating Flow with OmniFocus
  • Taking Smart Notes with DEVONthink
  • Workflow Mastery
  • PDF on beating deadlines with ease using the Touching the Keys Technique

Recent Posts

Will it Ever End?  … The Work of Work

Will it Ever End? … The Work of Work

It never ends, does it? If you write out your projects -- work, school, personal, or otherwise -- you’ll quickly discover a never-ending sea of things to do. Further, you now need to juggle your options. How do you figure out which is the most pressing, while hoping...

read more
Creativity as Discovery

Creativity as Discovery

“When will it be done?” Many of us have to answer this question, whether it’s a work environment asking for estimate of time for a project or even from ourselves when trying to decide what to do next. Of course, it can be notoriously difficult to measure time, whether...

read more
The Visit and Reaching the Edge of Action

The Visit and Reaching the Edge of Action

Forcing ourselves to get started, through deadlines, shame, or asking others to push us can leave us feeling exhausted. But when we use a Visit-Based approach, rather than one based in force, we support ourselves. Many of my students have described a sense of relief...

read more
Force-Based Systems and the Fickle Fuel of Fear

Force-Based Systems and the Fickle Fuel of Fear

Stuck Those of us who feel like we cannot work unless we are interested in something or are fueled by some impending deadline, can simply feel stuck. We can neither fake interest, nor can we fake deadlines. So, what do we do? Unfortunately, feelings of helplessness...

read more
The Pain of Potential

The Pain of Potential

I could do this! I can do that! But, I need to this! But, but... I really want to do that! One of the powers and frustrations of a wandering mind is the number of things that we can do at any one time. What’s even more frustrating is fully knowing that if we committed...

read more
The Vital Need for Play in Work

The Vital Need for Play in Work

When feeling dependent on deadlines, feeling that we can only things we are interested in, Forcing ourselves to work by some means can seem to be the only choice. However, it might be only have been a default choice.  It may have never occurred to you that alternative...

read more
David Sparks’ Productivity Field Guide Released

David Sparks’ Productivity Field Guide Released

My pal, David Sparks, has done it again and released his latest Productivity Field Guide (Standard Edition|Plus Edition) (limited time 10% launch discount PFGLAUNCH). I do love his intro: “Productivity has become a dirty word... The real solution isn’t about doing...

read more

Podcast appearance – The Omni Show!

The Omni Group, makers of my beloved OmniFocus, OmniGraffle, and OmniOutliner, had me join their Omni Show podcast where I got to discuss my use of OmniFocus. Have a listen here. It's the second time I've been on the show, and I've really enjoyed my conversations with...

read more
Skip to content