“Should I tell my boss about my wandering mind? my ADHD?”

What an understandable but profoundly tricky question. A flood of other questions follow in its wake:

How do they feel about ADHD? Would they understand? Do they have it themselves? Do they already know someone, a family member who has it? How do they feel about them?

A Weight of History

Such questions have a history, something behind them. A Wandering Mind, ADHD or otherwise, is not just a person living in the moment. History follows us into the Now.

In the days of school, that depth of creativity and intelligence, that need to connect with reality, can be met with so many different attitudes.

For example, when asking,

“Why do I need to know this?”

one teacher may take the time to truly think about the power of the knowledge they are trying to impart, the sense of changing the world that could be beneficial to you, and then find ways to connect with the driven spirits of care and play.

But many others might call you a frustrating troublemaker. With enough accusations, from others and ourselves, we lose sight of the positive.

We ask for accommodations:

Give me more time. Give me a fidget. Give me a break.

All of these can be quite helpful. But we can get even more bogged down in their troubles, not the least of which is resentment even for minimal work on another’s part. While we can try to argue that such resentment is or is not warranted, attempting to argue the resentment away hardly works.

When Accommodations Become Apologies

Insidiously, our arguments for accommodations are often only attempts to do what others do: Get the homework in on time. Avoid disrupting others. Pass the test.

Such approaches play out in the days well beyond school. In other words, behind the question of whether to tell a boss about ADHD is something along the lines of:

“What if I forget something? What if I miss a deadline? Would it get me off the hook?”

or

“Give me lots of reminders. I can’t handle them myself.”

Running underneath it all is

“How can I not be a troublemaker?”

What’s missing is the wonderful power and beauty of a wandering mind. Of the deep focus, creativity, discovery, play, invention, and more–why leave these behind?

When our strengths are unseen in the glimmer of another’s eye, we have no mirror to see them in ourselves.

A Practice in Presenting Strengths

Growing up, now in a world of work, we often forget that these powers are there, laying dormant. Instead, we continue to ask for mercy and forgiveness in the form of accommodations rather than for conditions that allow us to shine.

The trouble is often not that we cannot. It is that we do not have the practice of knowing and nurturing our abilities. Communicating, crafting the stories, selling the sense or what we have to offer – all take practice.

In putting my own thoughts together for my dear audience of fellow wandering minds, I have to be able to describe how I might be of benefit. Without doing so, I’m just another talking head, easily ignored. But when I can, for example in the opening 90 seconds of my podcast, I convey, “Hey, maybe I can help.”

Certainly, I’m simplifying a deeply complex issue. This is not an overnight endeavor. It takes practice, visits over time. Those 90 seconds were not simple to come up with.

Sometimes it helps to recruit caring others to the cause. Among others, I give great thanks to my dear friend, Rachel, who helped me recognize my voice, present my story, and describe the strengths I’m trying to portray. (Check out Rachel Hanfling’s site and mailing list here.)

With practice, we learn where we can and cannot trust ourselves to follow through on something. We find how to structure things so we can be alerted well, clear of distractions, respectful of our working memory. We learn not only what we need to get by, but more importantly, what we can use to excel.

And when we know how we can excel, it’s no longer about “do I tell my boss” whatever. It’s about discussing the specifics that help nurture the environment and relationships that help us engage our best selves.

– Kourosh

PS For a moment, consider what helps bring about those spirits of play and care for yourself, perhaps at home? What comes from those conditions, those ways of working? But in discussion, rather than focus on conditions first, what if you considered what you could do and create if those conditions were there?